For the love of
whatever bullshit life is. Fuck being a teenager. Fuck choice. Fuck life. Fuck in general.
Looking at a photo and thinking
who the fuck is that? Who was I? Who am I now? Where did that person go? Wanna forgive and forget, wanna hold onto everything and nothing, wanna laugh and cry, wanna hear you say, “don’t go, just stay.” wanna wretch and sleep, wanna fly and sink, wanna spin and stand still, wanna break and stay together. Wanna die. Wanna live. Wanna watch the sun set and the moon rise. Wanna...
Maybe Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last
I’d like to think I’m a nice person, I suppose we all do, but, it seems to be something I’m relatively good at. Yet, the world seems so set on rubbing it in my face nice guys won’t make it. It feels like all this work and effort I put into everything, my work, my friends, my family, my goddamned life isn’t amounting to anything. And it’s not like I do the...
It’s like, I’m sitting in front of the blank screen just waiting for a thunderbolt of lightning to come down and strike with an idea, release the flood gates of meaningful, ponderous words, and all I can think is damn that pizza was delicious. Lately it feels like there’s so much to say, and so much to think about, yet no time to talk and no way to describe it all. It’s...
That Awkward Moment When...
your vagina explodes and your ovaries melt.
balancethroughthatturn asked: MRAHHHHH
It shouldn't be so goddamned hard to be happy.
Smile kid, pick up your head and smile.
Sitting in my room, one candle lit, listening to...
smiling bitterly through tears. Just a typical night. Thank God for Death Cab.
Sometimes I'm astounded at the things I've...
It’s like, I need to take a moment to process I wrote this.
When your math teacher says, "Oh, now this is a...
Don't Label Me.
Today in history, a girl asked my teacher, “Is there such a thing as a ‘conservative liberal’?” I chuckled, the kind of chuckle that leaves a kind of…acidic, acerbic taste in the mouth. I get rather disgusted with the people of our society proudly, snobbily proclaiming, “I’m a Democrat,” “I’m a Republican,” or, “I don’t...
Realizing you're the only one still in love is the...
Long drives to nowhere, thinking about everything.
Fuck I Never Actually Learned this Shit Pretty much sums it up.
Everyone has them. In themselves, in the people around them, in society, in morals, in facts - there’s no escaping the shadow of Doubt. Doubt in oneself is quite possibly one of the worst. You are your own worst enemy, or so I’m told. Recently, time has seemed neither to exist nor disappear. I suppose that’s how it always is, we’re either always frightfully aware of the...
When Marimba Rhythms Start to Play...
Dance with me, make me sway. Dino. Sinatra. S’cuse me Ke$ha, Tyler the Creator, Taylor Swift. I wish so desperately to go back to those days, before auto-tuners and mindless lyrics. I wish I could go back and see Dino and Sinatra, could listen in those crazy oldtime clubs, liquor on the table in front of me, sweet cigar smoke floating around from the back tables, genuine dancing on the...
Sometimes you have to be consumed in order to come...
Isolation doesn't always make you stronger or...
Rain, rain, come again, stay always, forever here. There’s something about the rain that really just makes me happy. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen the cold weather and brewing clouds in months. Maybe it’s because it gives me the excuse to sit inside and do nothing. But I think it’s because I feel so free. Rain is liberating. It falls sometimes slow, a light...
The media would like to persuade me dark circles around the eyes are hideous, frowned upon, blemishes to skin. They reassure me, however, my problem is easy to cure with lotions and concealers. They tell me how many years back will be gained, how much younger I’ll look and feel. Pardon me, but, please, back the fuck off. I’m fond of these dark circles, the ever constant black...
Understanding too much about the wrong things.
It's always the quiet ones who have the most to...
The lights are dimmed, room empty. Dozens upon dozens of chairs remain empty; I am the only one in this still room. Silently, I take my seat, not directly in front, for when enjoying a film I must be farther back in order to have a better perception, understanding, of the images before me. So I take my time climbing dully lighted stairs, slowly walk across the middle aisle, and there I take my...
AGQ, I feel you.
I guess my life is more or less like the AGQ stock currently. Progressively and consistently getting worse, and worse, and worse. I’m looking forward to the day where it’ll climb back up, and everything will be alright again. But by the looks of how things are going now, that day is going to take quite a long time.
Never too Late
Years ago I was first introduced to Three Days Grace, a band that I have always held a tender spot for. Never too Late was one of their hits off of the album “One X.” I remember the first time the music video aired. My sister was watching it and I stood behind the couch watching it as well, mesmerized. Everything about it caught my interest. I knew the words and could sing along, but I...
So many days I have sat, nestled among first grass and mud, eventually morphing to dirt, sand - my brethren. Why is it, for as long as I have sat, so patiently and content, That I have been questioned and judged? Perceived as nothing but a hard, cold being. No feelings, no thoughts. Existence for which there is no purpose. I have seen things unimaginable. Watched the first black night sky...
Lying vs Acting
A response to a question posed about my statement: I’m not a bad liar, merely a great actress. Is there a difference? There are different names for the same thing. Or so I have heard. And so I have debated. One such predicament arose while mulling over lying and acting. Are these two different words for essentially the same thing? Yes and no. It all depends on the context, I believe....
I was talking to a friend today. A good friend who I haven’t really spoken with in a while, but never fails to have profound conversations with me. Anyway. It got me to thinking. Humans are all masochists. Disagree with me if you’d like. Fine. But I’m convinced it’s true. Why is this? Maybe I’m just a goddamn feely kind of person, but I’ve noticed and...
That moment where you realize you've sunken your...
Hidden in Plain View
Originally written May 19, 2011 It was that look, that smile, that said it all. It frightened and attracted me all at once. The smile was wide, not necessarily big, for while the sparkling white teeth shone blindingly, the jaw remained closed, a hint of strain visible to the trained eye. I’ve learned how fake a smile can be. How truly conniving and deceptive that gesture is, filling your...